never-ending insecurities

JULY 23, 2015



i should stop thinking about what others think or else i might be someone else who are not me.

tapi masalahnya, macam mana?

with these judgmental society,
where white is good and black is bad
where thin is pretty and fat is ugly
where people seek to befriend with someone from high class society and look down to poor
where your clothing brand define your personality
and many other things that define you instead of knowing you personally.

these society is killing me inside.

can anyone tell me how to ignore this never-ending insecurities?

"kawan-kawan semua dah start flawless, cantik, puberty hit like a truck, what so ever semua. tapi kau still like a potato or banananananana" - quote from twitter

can't you see it? they define cantik as flawless!


the feeling of uncertainty

JULY 19, 2015


first and foremost, today is the third Syawal so selamat hari raya everyone. please forgive my wrongdoings to all of you.

today, i am going to tell you some story.
the story of an ugly duckling.

she is an average duck with many flaws. she don't have a fair skin tone. she is quite fat even though every time she asked others about her body, they always denied that facts. i don't know maybe it just to sooth her feelings i guess. she tried to cover things up by getting good results in exam, be confidence in front of others and trying to wear pretty clothes but every single time she done that, imperfection came up and crushed her confidence. she is always be compared with others. even with her own sister. she realize that she is practically imperfect.

however, after meeting many people, she know that she have something that others don't have. she rise and act like she don't give a fuck about what others think. she live her life to its fullest with a little bit regret here and there. haha this duck seriously have the guts to be like other ducks. yeah, she got more and more friends throughout her life journey. people like her for her sense of humor. she is funny. sometimes she throw herself down to make others laugh. well she's not even a comedienne but she likes to see those smile at face.

(scrolling facebook)

okay where was i?

oh ya. she love to see smile on other's face. but somehow all jokes that she made sometimes are not so genuine. haha fake is the simplest word. she still have that uncertainty of people are not liking her for who she is. that funny duck. she still thought that people will judge her no matter what she do (well it happens all the time as long as there is a selfish bastard who likes to compare things). but not all people are like that honey. yet she still feel the same as before.

the long story goes short. she met Someone. she loved. she laughed. she cried. she got angry. but she likes him so much to the point that she have imagined her future with Someone. she really likes Someone.

but again imperfection never failed to crush her dream. she is again, comparing herself to other before others could do so. she afraid that Someone is just a person who come for fun and go when things are done. she don't believe that there would be a person in this world who likes her as who she is (that's what he told her).

she tried so hard to believe that Someone gonna take care of her heart and put it at its place. at the highest point that anybody could imagine. hope that Someone gonna fulfill his promise. In sha Allah. if someone have any thought of leaving her, he better be as good as the first time he approached. yelah, jumpa baik2 then you should leave dengan cara baik jugak lah. tell her for like a month prior notice or something, just tell her that you wanna leave. she'll be good to you. she will leave you for both good sake.

the story continues. 
well no one can see the end as it already stated in Loh Mahfuz.
the right things will come to the right place at the right time.  
duck and Someone have to keep praying. 
for the good ending. 
for these feeling of uncertainty to go.
for duck to always be grateful for what she already have.
for this imperfection to be perfect by completing each other like a jigsaw puzzle. 
for duck to be able to stand and get the confidence without minding others' thought.
for duck to always believe that Someone is not playing with her heart.
for Someone to accept duck in a good or bad state.
for duck to accept Someone in a good or bad state.
duck and Someone have to keep praying.
duck and Someone have to keep praying.

no one can change it. it only can be changed by praying to Allah, the one who own everything in this world. the greatest, the most merciful to His servant.

*please forgive me for my poor grammar, i am practicing my English for my future. i'm gonna try harder ya, fellow grammar nazi!*

*apa aku merepek ni?*
*such a loser*
*nyanyi lagu loser by bigbang*
*okay berambus*
*whatever bitch*
*rolling eyes*
*this biatch seriously got no talent in writing, merepek ja kerjanya*
*diamlah syaiton*



blogger macam aku

JULY 13, 2015


hahaha.. tajuk tak boleh blah.

aku suka blog.
aku suka sejak sekolah menengah lagi.
tapi aku jarang update blog.
apa jenis blogger la aku ni?

aku sejenis blogger yang suam2 kuku.
sebab aku selalu takde internet.
bila ada point nak tulis, internet takde.
bila ada internet, aku kosong tak berisi apa2 idea.

jadi aku blogger suam2 kuku.
blogger hangat2 tahi ayam.
aku bukan blogger.
aku rasa aku tak ditakdirkan untuk jadi blogger.
jadi aku bukanlah blogger.

muahahaha suka hati lah!