Letters to Ocean #2

SEPTEMBER 27, 2015

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

assalamualaikum,

hye dear.

today is 27th of September. it's been 2 weeks since you go. i tau you tak pergi mana-mana pun. pergi kerja je, nanti balik lah kan? but still, you jauh. i can't believe the jokes that we made early this year dah pun jadi kenyataan. masa januari kita rasa september tu jauh sangat tapi pejam celik pejam celik september pun sampai. so does december right?

the first week was hell. everything i do is not falling to where it supposed to be. i was sick to the point that i cannot wake up from my bed. i cannot taste anything. everything is tasteless rasa macam makan pepejal keras tanpa apa-apa perasa. jerebu buat i lagi teruk. ayaq mata ni mengalir ja bila sebut nama haha silly me. mengada gila. tapi macam you kata lah banyakkan selawat mengaji semua. alhamdulillah, dengan bantuan shela dan fajar yang cuba ceriakan i jaga masa i sakit bawak pergi klinik tolong dengar keluh kesah bebelan i, i survived getting out of the storm.

i am recovering. from my bad health. from my not so good mental condition. from everything that seems to become a threat to me. maybe sebab ni first time kot. i am still not good at handling the situation. lama-lama okay lah kan? tulah you, i dah cakap jangan manjakan i. kan dah susah sekarang ni nak mengada je kerjanya hahaha..

tapi masa first day you nak pergi berlayar tu, u look so happy. then i know, working at ocean is your passion. how could i stop you, that will be the most selfish act i'll ever done to you. don't worry, i will support you! and when you called me, that feeling that i cannot described. i bersyukur, you was doing fine. you jaga diri elok-elok kat mana je you pergi. balik nanti dah janji nak belanja makan kan! hiks

hmm being a 'close friend' of a seafarer makes me realizes that i cannot waste any of my precious time when you are at the land. yeap, macam lagu Megan Trainor Like I'm Gonna Lose You. kina suggested me to this song, katanya sesuai dengan situation i haha macam-macam.

okaylah, nanti i cerita lagi. apa apa pun take a good care of yourself. safety first! i am looking forward for december to come :)

~So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time~


yours truly,
syamira

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


*forgive my cheesiness that may lead to any nausea or vomiting kekeke this is the only channel that i can rant on my feelings. takut kalau meroyan kat insta orang keji pulak haha*







Letters to Ocean #1

SEPTEMBER 27, 2015

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

20 September 2015

Assalamualaikum,

hye dear.

wahh, a year passed by and yet you still by my side. even though we are not literally side by side hahaha.. setahun dah. lepas ni boleh brag kat orang la kita dah setahun kenal! kekeke

too many things happened within this one year period. good and bad. ups and downs. at first i tak pernah terfikir nak kawan dengan you selama ini. takdir Tuhan tu indah. i am amazed with it. you still stay with me despite all my weaknesses. i am so thankful.

i admit there is a time where i ragu-ragu dengan you. betul ke keputusan kita ni? tapi bila you pergi je berlayar then everything became cleared. as clear as crystal. fuhh hahaha (this is a confession!)

there's more coming and i hope we will stay side by side no matter what happen. stay safe dear! i'll wait for you at home. harap sangat dapat sambut yang kedua ketiga keempat kelima dengan you hahaha.. semoga kita makin matang

stay with me ye.. i really want to see you to the point where i want to buy a flight ticket and go to dumai right now or maybe naik bot and masuk secara haram hahhahah. if syamira 2/3 years back see this current syamira, she'll be laughing out loud cause this current syamira is so mushy, clingy and cengeng when it comes to her loved one! (thanks to you though!) hahahaha

thank you for staying :)
thank you for this wonderful 365 days knowing you :)
thank you for the memories :)

yours truly,
syamira


*don't know when you will read this but fyi dah pukul 12 waktu malaysia so dah masuk 20th*
*jangan nangis masa baca, nanti kalau engineer you tanya asal mata bengkak i taktau hehe*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



a good day to remember

AUGUST 4, 2015

Assalamualaikum

alhamdulillah. subhanallah.
segala puji hanya bagimu ya Allah, maha suci Allah.

syukur kepada Tuhan yang menguasai segala yang ada di langit dan di bumi ini.
Tuhan yang memegang rahsia dan takdir hidup setiap manusia.
Tuhan yang menjanjikan segala perkara baik dan buruk mengikut kemampuan hambaNya.
Tuhan yang tidak akan pernah melupakan hambaNya.

alhamdulillah, again. hari ini, telah terjadi sesuatu yang menjadi satu lagi bukti kasihnya Tuhan pada aku. terima kasih ya Allah, kau permudahkan segalanya. pheww~ what a great day to have so many memorable events in my life :)


04081967
04081991
04082015


"maka nikmat Allah mana lagi yang kau dustakan?" - (Ar Rahman:55)

*kasihnya Tuhan pada aku (cries a river)




'for and to' letter

AUGUST 4, 2015

Assalamualaikum

***kandungan surat ini telah diubahsuai mengikut kesesuaian pembaca, jika anda mempunyai sakit jantung, kencing manis atau cepat annoyed level paling rendah (paling cepat annoyed) mahupun perasaan geli geleman, anda dinasihatkan untuk berhenti membacanya. jika tidak anda mungkin mendapat penyakit yang disebut di atas atau penyakit2 lain dengan segera. segala kerugian disebabkan penyakit berkenaan tidak akan ditanggung***

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

" to my dear..

first of all, thank you for everything. at first, i didn't expect much but you gave me more than i could ever imagine.

i am sending you the doa untuk you senang menjawab, tak nervous, lapang hati terang minda and lulus cemerlang dalam exam ni. i jugak ada minta my friends and also my ibu to pray for your exam to be smooth. ibu kata in sha Allah boleh! baca al-fatihah 3x sebelum masuk exam tu, selawat banyak2 ibu kata. and you jangan lupa minta restu and doa mak you jugak, tu yang paling penting :)

i would end my short letter with another thanks for the memories that we created together. i don't know you, but it really means a lot to me. stay strong and good luck! fighting!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"to my dear..

terima kasih.. atas doa dan semuanya selama ini. memang i risau pasal exam ni. dah baca kata2 you tadi, terus semangat. tiap2 malam mak tenangkan untuk exam ni.

terima kasih jugak.. sebab layan kerenah i, maafkan semua salah silap i ye..

i will fight and stay strong. sebab i taknak kecewakan semua yang doakan i"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


erghhh
anyway, fighting!
bismillahitawakkaltualallah..
waiting with all my patience at home~
(eh akak pulak berdebar lelebih dah kenapa?)
hehe :D








never-ending insecurities

JULY 23, 2015

Assalamualaikum

insecurities,
complexity,

i should stop thinking about what others think or else i might be someone else who are not me.

tapi masalahnya, macam mana?

with these judgmental society,
where white is good and black is bad
where thin is pretty and fat is ugly
where people seek to befriend with someone from high class society and look down to poor
where your clothing brand define your personality
and many other things that define you instead of knowing you personally.

these society is killing me inside.

can anyone tell me how to ignore this never-ending insecurities?

"kawan-kawan semua dah start flawless, cantik, puberty hit like a truck, what so ever semua. tapi kau still like a potato or banananananana" - quote from twitter

can't you see it? they define cantik as flawless!

daaaa~







the feeling of uncertainty

JULY 19, 2015

Assalamualaikum

first and foremost, today is the third Syawal so selamat hari raya everyone. please forgive my wrongdoings to all of you.

today, i am going to tell you some story.
the story of an ugly duckling.

she is an average duck with many flaws. she don't have a fair skin tone. she is quite fat even though every time she asked others about her body, they always denied that facts. i don't know maybe it just to sooth her feelings i guess. she tried to cover things up by getting good results in exam, be confidence in front of others and trying to wear pretty clothes but every single time she done that, imperfection came up and crushed her confidence. she is always be compared with others. even with her own sister. she realize that she is practically imperfect.

however, after meeting many people, she know that she have something that others don't have. she rise and act like she don't give a fuck about what others think. she live her life to its fullest with a little bit regret here and there. haha this duck seriously have the guts to be like other ducks. yeah, she got more and more friends throughout her life journey. people like her for her sense of humor. she is funny. sometimes she throw herself down to make others laugh. well she's not even a comedienne but she likes to see those smile at face.

(scrolling facebook)

okay where was i?

oh ya. she love to see smile on other's face. but somehow all jokes that she made sometimes are not so genuine. haha fake is the simplest word. she still have that uncertainty of people are not liking her for who she is. that funny duck. she still thought that people will judge her no matter what she do (well it happens all the time as long as there is a selfish bastard who likes to compare things). but not all people are like that honey. yet she still feel the same as before.

the long story goes short. she met Someone. she loved. she laughed. she cried. she got angry. but she likes him so much to the point that she have imagined her future with Someone. she really likes Someone.

but again imperfection never failed to crush her dream. she is again, comparing herself to other before others could do so. she afraid that Someone is just a person who come for fun and go when things are done. she don't believe that there would be a person in this world who likes her as who she is (that's what he told her).

she tried so hard to believe that Someone gonna take care of her heart and put it at its place. at the highest point that anybody could imagine. hope that Someone gonna fulfill his promise. In sha Allah. if someone have any thought of leaving her, he better be as good as the first time he approached. yelah, jumpa baik2 then you should leave dengan cara baik jugak lah. tell her for like a month prior notice or something, just tell her that you wanna leave. she'll be good to you. she will leave you for both good sake.

the story continues. 
well no one can see the end as it already stated in Loh Mahfuz.
the right things will come to the right place at the right time.  
duck and Someone have to keep praying. 
for the good ending. 
for these feeling of uncertainty to go.
for duck to always be grateful for what she already have.
for this imperfection to be perfect by completing each other like a jigsaw puzzle. 
for duck to be able to stand and get the confidence without minding others' thought.
for duck to always believe that Someone is not playing with her heart.
for Someone to accept duck in a good or bad state.
for duck to accept Someone in a good or bad state.
duck and Someone have to keep praying.
duck and Someone have to keep praying.

no one can change it. it only can be changed by praying to Allah, the one who own everything in this world. the greatest, the most merciful to His servant.



*please forgive me for my poor grammar, i am practicing my English for my future. i'm gonna try harder ya, fellow grammar nazi!*

*apa aku merepek ni?*
*whatever*
*such a loser*
*nyanyi lagu loser by bigbang*
*okay berambus*
*whatever bitch*
*rolling eyes*
*this biatch seriously got no talent in writing, merepek ja kerjanya*
*diamlah syaiton*

HAHAHAHAHA

*mental*



blogger macam aku

JULY 13, 2015

Assalamualaikum

hahaha.. tajuk tak boleh blah.

aku suka blog.
aku suka sejak sekolah menengah lagi.
tapi aku jarang update blog.
apa jenis blogger la aku ni?

aku sejenis blogger yang suam2 kuku.
sebab aku selalu takde internet.
bila ada point nak tulis, internet takde.
bila ada internet, aku kosong tak berisi apa2 idea.

jadi aku blogger suam2 kuku.
blogger hangat2 tahi ayam.
aku bukan blogger.
aku rasa aku tak ditakdirkan untuk jadi blogger.
jadi aku bukanlah blogger.


muahahaha suka hati lah!

why korea? why kpop?

APRIL 24, 2015

Assalamualaikum.

i don't know why but my fangirl mode is always turned on! hahaha pendek kata sentiasa nak berfangirl je lah sepanjang masa. dan aku rasa kecintaan aku pada korea bukan je setakat pada idol tapi pada south korea as a whole.

why korea? kenapa bukan negara lain?

entah ler. banyak faktor kot kenapa aku sukakan korea dan letakkan dia sebagai tempat yang paling aku nak pergi kat dunia ni. (one of the reason of course la the idols! *scream*) hahaha.. tempatnya cantik, bersih, ada snow, makanan diorang nampak sedap walaupun aku tahu tak halal, orangnya nampak baik, nampak efficient je semua benda. i don't know tapi this is my first impression about korea. walaupun tak pernah sampai lagi pun. tengok2 dalam blog je, google gambar yang mana nak explore tempatnya.

aku jatuh cinta tanpa tahu hakikat sebenar korea! arghh

pertama kali aku suka korea masa tu tahun 2009. form 4. (kira ah sendiri umur kak syam berapa haha) ya Allah, tuhan je tahu macam mana diehard nya aku pada korea. beli majalah, potong gambar letak dalam file, beli kad gambar woobin letak dlm purse, namakan teddy bear keychain aku tu sebagai Song Woobin! (okay masa tu diehard dengan boys over flower, he is my bias) hahaha bila dok ingat balik rasa macam nak patah balik masa tu dan pergi tarik telinga kak syam time tu! fanatik abis weh. more than you can imagine, cuma tak boleh pergi konsert je time tu. sekarang pun tak boleh sebenarnya.

this exact poster yang aku potong from paper and letak dlm file hehe
(in case kalau taktau, woobin yang belah kiri sekali tu hikhik)

ingat lagi gigih bangun tengah malam sebab nak tengok ulangan music bank kat KBS sebab petang kena pergi tuisyen. ingat lagi semata ponteng tuisyen sekolah sebab petang tu ada music award. kadang tu stay pulak kat sekolah sebab nak guna internet dalam library semata mata nak tengok super junior. aduhh parah! haaa aku sampai sekarang salahkan kak asma sebab kenalkan aku dengan super junior (sebenarnya berterima kasih sangat2 ni hehe) dia orang pertama yang tunjukkan dekat aku, kina, sya, mimi dan sarah mv sorry sorry. we fall in love so hard with super junior sampai result ujian pun fall hard jugak lah haa padan muka..

this! ahhhh *scream*

lepas masuk diploma kurang sikit sebab takde geng. eh jumpa pulak geng korea baruu. haa makin gila lah aku. plus dah ada laptop sendiri hmm menggila!! mula kenal running man, kenal banyak benda lagi pasal korea. banyak sangat yang aku dapat lepas kenal dengan budak2 kpop yang lain ni. rasa kerdil sangat sebab collection diorang lagi mantop! and the rest is history.

orang nampak lagu2 kpop ni semua macam lagha je, dance je lebih tapi lagu kpop ni ada jugak yang very soothing tau. so kalau aku stress ke nak hiburan ke semua ada. bukan yang lagha je, ada jugak benda lain yang baik pasal kpop ni. cuma orang tak nampak. sebab diorang tengok benda buruk je. harap sangat future husband aku boleh faham sifat aku yang satu ni. aku minat dari jauh je. hahaha..

kpop is
my guilty pleasure.
my best song companion.
my happy pills.
my laughing gas.
my fantasy that will never come true.
and tempat 'mencuci mata'.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha :P

and now aku dengan kina and sya tengah duk mengumpul nak sebab nak pergi korea. wishlist kitorang nak pergi melawat korea sama2. #friendshipgoals angat! hahaha planning nak pergi masa 2017 sebab time tu semua dah settle down dengan study masing2. tapi tulah, duit yang terkumpul pun baru berapa sen sangat. asal nak menyimpan ada je benda yang nak beli sebab lebih penting. doakan aku berjaya. doakan aku ada rezeki nak sampai korea dengan kawan2 aku.

kalau tak dapat pergi dengan kawan2 aku ingat nak pau laki aku untuk pergi honeymoon kat sana hahaha!!


*ingatkan makin tua makin kurang tengok korea tapi harammmm lagi gila adalah*


bodoh sombong

APRIL 21, 2015

Assalamualaikum.

ya. memang kadang tu aku kata aku benci. tapi mulut tu selalu je tak zahirkan apa yang sebenarnya terniat kat hati. suka sangat menipu. akhirnya, makan diri.

adatlah pasang turun dalam sesuatu perhubungan.
sesama keluarga.
sesama sahabat.
sesama kekasih.
kadang naik. wahh.
kadang turun. ahhh.

sebab kadang hati tu degil. sukakan penafian walaupun sakit. sukakan pahit walaupun ada yang manis. manusia..

bila ada depan mata, kau buat tak endah je.
bila dah hilang dari pandangan, kau cari bagai nak gila.
tinggi sungguh ego kau.
kalau nak ukur tu, haih setaraf klcc nun.
kononnya nak tengok siapa yang juara.
siapa yang mengalah, kononnya dia kalah.
akhirnya, hati kau sakit. merana. mereput kau sorang-sorang dengan ego kau tu!

tapi kalau aku tengah betul-betul marah macam mana? takkan semudah tu aku nak maafkan. aku pun ada perasaan jugak.

bodoh sombong punya manusia.

banyak sangat benda yang kau nak dulukan,
banyak sangat perkara yang kau timbangkan,
sampai perkara yang sepatutnya didulukan, tertinggal.
akhirnya, kau menyesal.. pfttt
tulah, rendahkan sikit ego tu. tengok keadaan jugak nak ego ni. kena tempatnya baguslah. tak kena tempat.. kau tanggung sendiri.

#kaksyamjiwang
#kaksyamsendirimenyampah
#bajetdeep
#pegimam
#pffftttt
#berdiribuluromabilabacabalik

HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! you must be kidding me, syam!



*tapi ini yang aku nak cakap, so suka hati aku lah!*


okay bye.




emotional week ever

APRIL 16, 2015

Assalamualaikum.

hmmm, tengok tajuk pun dah tau entry ni penuh dengan emosi. aku penatlah minggu ni. bermain dengan emosi yang tak menentu.

i am playing with tonnes of emotions. dem.

kejap okay, mood up sampai cloud nine weh. happy sangat2. rasa macam tengah main atas awan.
tiba tiba down, demotivate sampai jatuh 10000 kaki bawah paras laut!
(okay hyperbolic much)

tak stabil langsung.

tapi serius.. aku sendiri tak faham. nak kata red flag memang tak ah. tapi mood swing!


'the most heart-breaking day of the year'


sampai dah memuncak aku punya down tu, boom!
ayaq mata jantan syamira jatuh.....
auchhh malu

balik dari uitm bawak motor laju2, nak nangis atas motor tak feeling. nanti orang nampak mallluuuuu.

as usual lah, my babe si makcik kina tulah orang yang aku cari kalau ada masalah. my personal counselor after ibu since 2007 i guess. hehe. lepas slow talk dengan kina tulah berderai ayaq mata. depan dak shela pulak tuuu haihh

hahaha. macam2.

aku rasa banyak faktor atau punca sebenarnya. banyak sangat dugaan. yelah, happy sangat pun satu dugaan jugak. apatah lagi sedih. haih banyak yang ada dalam fikiran aku ni.

- duit yang tak pernah rasa cukup. yup i am just a mere human with needs and wants.
- hectic week full with tests and quiz. hari2 wehh, rabak. serius mata gua rabak.
- rasa rindu bagai nak rak. pada rumah, pada ibu ayah, pada family, pada 7siblings, pada the babes. letihnya tahan rindu!
- fon buat hal. baru 2 bulan pakai weh!!! takkan nak beli fon baru tiap 2 bulan sekali. tauke kapal pun boleh bankrupt weh.
- and problem with him buat aku tak faham lelaki ni macam mana sebenarnya. aku tak faham dia ke atau dia yang sebenarnya susah nak difahami.

entah.

masa si Naz down last sem, dia pernah kata macam ni,

"kenapa lah aku tak jadi batu je, boleh duduk diam2 kat tepi jalan tu. biar orang sepak, biar orang pijak. asalkan tak payah fikir pasal masalah dunia ni!"

lepas dengar tu aku gelak. nasihat sikit sebarang dua.
sem ni aku cakap benda yang sama kat dia. hahaha.
dia pulak gelakkan aku kawkaw punya. bangkrek.


what comes around goes around bebeh!


dugaan Tuhan. takkan nak lari, kena hadap jugak walau macam mana pun.


*kalau boleh jadi batu atau burung, aku nak try sehari*







i'm back

APRIL 15, 2015

Assalamualaikum

entry aku ni dah macam chipsmore dah. kejap ada lepas tu lamaaaa takda. hahaha

punca menulis balik : ada orang kata dia baca blog kita haha.. sumpah aku malu. all those rant telah dibaca without me expecting that. takpe lah, i'm gonna write while i can.

nak baca, baca lah. tak kisah pun. *kenyit mata ciked*

ups and down

JANUARY 20, 2015

Assalamualaikum.

my very first post in 2015.

well, it's been a long way since the last time i post in blog. macam2 weh jadi sepanjang tu. good and bad. ups and down. thick and thin. you name it. nak mula dari mana ea?

okay, let's start with my study first. yeah, degree in event management. quite tough. a very, very tough profession. competition to be the best among the best tu yg tough hanet. hahaha alhamdulillah. survived 2nd semester. baru je habis paper semalam. dugaan tu fuhh banyak tak terhingga. nak overcome tu letih weh. tapi biasalah, event kot. process tu memang payah. tapi bila kau dah dapat hasil dia. ummm, nikmat Tuhan bagi tak ternilai! hahaha

then, i'll move on to recap my 2014. hmmm.. bukan kat aku je. kat orang lain pun. rata-rata kata 2014 banyak sedih dari gembira. entah.. aku pun taktau. one of the happiest moment of 2014 : i got my diploma!! my convocation day :)

convocation day : lepas 3 tahun bertungkus lumus, at last dapat jugak sekeping 'tiket' yg menaikkan lagi market aku. ha gittewww. it's like a milestone la for me. Allah je tahu macam mana aku happy bila tengok ibu dengan ayah senyum lebaq bahagia sama. rasa macam dah tawan dunia weh! paling suka tengok ibu dan ayah time ni. belum mampu nak bagi kekayaan lagi. tapi tu je yang angah mampu. in sha Allah.. doakan degree ni pun ibu ayah dapat senyum lagi. biar senyum tu jadi satu milestone lain dalam hidup aku.

and during that convocation day, i have invited someone who become really special to me. dia datang tu macam mimpi tau. i mean not only during the convo but in my life as a whole. haihh.. datang, knock2 my heart, then singgah, then taknak keluar! wehh, first time in forever la weh untuk syamira. hahaha.. anyway, please stay in there elok2 na. keep me in yours too, elok2. in sha Allah, dengan izin Allah, ada jodoh kita. sebab i selalu doa, once i commit, it should be last forever. in sha Allah.

semoga aku tabah untuk degree ni. mintak2 aku dapat tamat on time. aku usaha, skrg aku leave it to Allah je. apa je plan aku, aku biar Dia yang decide which one is the best.

so 2015 should be better than those dark and silly previous year. with ibu ayah along and adik2 plus you by my side, it should be enough for me untuk jadi lagi baik. semua yang aku buat ni sebab Allah and untuk happy kan ibu and ayah. that's it.


notes:
20092014
26092014
04102014
20112014
May the odd be in our favor :)